Who am I? They often tell me
I stepped from my cell’s confinement
Calmly, cheerfully, firmly,
Like a squire from his country-house.
Who am I? They often tell me
I used to speak to my warders
Freely and friendly and clearly,
As though it were mine to command.
Who am I? They also tell me
I bore the days of misfortune
Equally, smilingly, proudly,
Like one accustomed to win.
Am I then really all that which other men tell of?
Or am I only what I myself know of myself?
Restless and longing and sick, like a bird in a cage,
Struggling for breath, as though hands were compressing my throat,
Yearning for colors, for flowers, for the voices of birds,
Thirsting for words of kindness, for neighborliness,
Tossing in expectation of great events,
Powerlessly trembling for friends at an infinite distance,
Weary and empty at praying, at thinking, at making,
Faint, and ready to say farewell to it all?
Who am I? This or the other?
Am I one person today and tomorrow another?
Am I both at once? A hypocrite before others,
And before myself a contemptibly woebegone weakling?
Or is something within me still like a beaten army,
Fleeing in disorder from victory already achieved?
Who am I? They mock me, these lonely questions of mine.
Whoever I am, Thou knowest, 0 God, I am Thine!
Dietrich Bonhoeffer (1946)
The struggle for a sense of self-identity is universal to all man. Most of us spend our entire lives trying to define who we are. We peg the definition of who we are to external markers, like what others think of us (our reputation), what we have achieved (our position and accomplishments), what we can do (our abilities and talents) or what we have (our possessions and wealth). We all want to be successes in life, to come to the end of our lives and know that we have lived a life worthy of admiration and recognition. Those of us who are more shrewd will plan and scheme to be judged as successes by these external markers. Yet the definition of who we are continues to elude us. Deep inside we know that pegging ourselves to external markers just doesn't cut it in the end. In certain times, the external markers grade us as successes. This is when we do something that receives recognition, receive a promotion, or acquire the latest possession. In other times, that same external markers will grade us as failures, e.g. when we experience failure or do not get something we covet or are victims of misfortune beyond our control. We then lapse into confusion and a sense of worthlessness. At different times, we swing from the extremes of thinking ourselves superior to others to the thinking ourselves as the worst of man.
The reason for this is simple - if our definition of who we are is based on certain markers and those markers are either inconsistent or unreliable, then our definitions of who we are will likewise always lack permanence. To put it another way, if who we are depends on how we see ourselves and how others see us, because these markers change constantly, then who we are will also constantly change. I may I think I am rich because I earn more than the average person. But when I look at the billionaires of the world, I may feel very poor indeed. Intrinsically I have not changed but because of the changing markers, my definition of who I am changes. Depending on what standard I use, I can either be a success or failure. But how can this be? How then can I find my true self?
"Who am I? They mock me, these lonely questions of mine. Whoever I am, Thou knowest, 0 God, I am Thine!" Reading the words of the famous martyred German theologian Bonhoeffer, I come to realise a simple but powerful truth. The quest for self-definition can only end when we come to God. Our illusive and turbulent quest to pin down who we are can only find rest when we begin to define ourselves the way God sees us. When we look through the eyes of God to see ourselves as He sees us, for the first time we will see ourselves for who we truly are. Freed of external markers; freed of the blindings of prejudice or bias or pride or self-depreciation. We begin to see our intrinsic worth as children of the Almighty God, our relationship with the Divine, our destiny with the Supreme Creator, our appointment with eternity. Through the eyes of God there is no place of self-pity, no failures, no rejection. Through the eyes of God there is only love divine, and the promise of glory.
Serenity in the midst of confusion
There is so much in life that we cannot control, that we cannot understand. Those of us who are working will testify that there are so many things that can go wrong, so many things that threaten to drown us if we are not careful. People, projects, positions, promotions and politics. Those of us who raise a family will also concede how little we can really determine how our children grow up. We can do our best but much is out of our control. Those of us who are studying will also be familiar with the anxieties and stresses of assignments and grades. We can put in the effort but don’t always get the grade we deserve. All of us try so hard to gain mastery over our situation and circumstances. We plan and scheme and train. We use techniques and theories. We evaluate and improve. All with the sole aim of finding the formula that will enable us to reach the goals we want to reach. But ever so often, something may happen to knock our perfect plan out of course. It may be a disappointment, a failure or an unforeseen unfavourable event. This is just the trigger that opens a floodgate of anxiety and a sense of loss of control.
How then do we deal with this rollercoaster circumstances of life? How do we transcend the earthly storms and maintain serenity in the midst of confusion? The answer is deceptively simply but profoundly powerful. It is called ABSOLUTE SURRENDER. Absolute surrender is not a cowardly resignation to the winds of fate. It is a courageous move of faith to place our lives and those whom we love into the one who rules heaven and earth. It is the honest recognition of our true place and position as human beings. We exist for Him and through Him only. For He is the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. All things have their origins with Him, all things will end with Him. Only that which He says matters matters. Nothing else does. Absolute surrender is the posture of true worship, the coming home of the soul to its Maker. In absolute surrender, we stand in the position we have been created to occupy, and in the eyes of Him who matters, we stand in our destiny. In that moment, we are right with our Creator, we are right with our fellow man and we are right with the world. We fix our eyes on the throne room of heaven and the Lamb of God who sits upon the throne. Then slowly we begin to transcend the earthly storms that rage beneath. Like Peter, we walk over the raging waves to the one who beckons us with outstretch arms. We are enraptured in His loving embrace, His confident and omnipotent power, His enabling presence. In absolute surrender, we touch the face of God.
How then do we deal with this rollercoaster circumstances of life? How do we transcend the earthly storms and maintain serenity in the midst of confusion? The answer is deceptively simply but profoundly powerful. It is called ABSOLUTE SURRENDER. Absolute surrender is not a cowardly resignation to the winds of fate. It is a courageous move of faith to place our lives and those whom we love into the one who rules heaven and earth. It is the honest recognition of our true place and position as human beings. We exist for Him and through Him only. For He is the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. All things have their origins with Him, all things will end with Him. Only that which He says matters matters. Nothing else does. Absolute surrender is the posture of true worship, the coming home of the soul to its Maker. In absolute surrender, we stand in the position we have been created to occupy, and in the eyes of Him who matters, we stand in our destiny. In that moment, we are right with our Creator, we are right with our fellow man and we are right with the world. We fix our eyes on the throne room of heaven and the Lamb of God who sits upon the throne. Then slowly we begin to transcend the earthly storms that rage beneath. Like Peter, we walk over the raging waves to the one who beckons us with outstretch arms. We are enraptured in His loving embrace, His confident and omnipotent power, His enabling presence. In absolute surrender, we touch the face of God.
How real can we expect God to be?
How real can we expect God to be? Most Christians will say that God is real to them indirectly, eg. through an answered prayer or unexpected blessing, or through circumstances that seem to be too co-incidental otherwise. That is what conservative Christianity deems as "safe". Then there are other Christians who talk about the more metaphysical aspects of God, eg. God speaking to them. Here we enter the realm of the subjective, we talk of "sensing", "prompting", "intuition", "peace or unease". We talk of "sensing the presence of God", "sensing his love". Some Christians are very weary of this because it seems to border of psychology and unreliable emotions.
But if we were to search scripture, we will find that such interactions between God and man is not uncommon. The bible speaks of the Spirit "testifying" with our spirit, causing the "love of God to be shed abroad in our hearts". The bible also speaks of the "peace of God that surpasses all understanding" guarding our hears and minds. The Old testament speaks of a still small voice, a voice behind our ears etc.
If we cut ourselves off from these subjective interactions with God, we cut ourselves from perhaps the main way in which God speaks to us apart from through Scripture. God is Spirit and any communication must necessarily be a spirit-to-spirit communication. Given the tripartite (ie. body-soul-spirit) nature of man, this will no doubt impact on our psychology, ie. our mind and our emotions. While some of these senses may well be self-generated, ie. purely psychological, we must learn to discern that which stems from ourselves and that which stems from God.
The key to this discernment is honesty and obedience. First we must be completely honest with ourselves and our intentions. Wrong intentions can cause us to think that God is affirming something we ourselves want to do. Honesty will enable us to discern the presence or absence of a deep and abiding sense of peace which will be absent if we are deceiving ourselves. Through constant suppressing of this "voice of conscience" we can grieve the Spirit into silence. But if we can embrace honesty and a willingness to obey, we will find the prompting and the communication becoming stronger and more sure over time.
But if we were to search scripture, we will find that such interactions between God and man is not uncommon. The bible speaks of the Spirit "testifying" with our spirit, causing the "love of God to be shed abroad in our hearts". The bible also speaks of the "peace of God that surpasses all understanding" guarding our hears and minds. The Old testament speaks of a still small voice, a voice behind our ears etc.
If we cut ourselves off from these subjective interactions with God, we cut ourselves from perhaps the main way in which God speaks to us apart from through Scripture. God is Spirit and any communication must necessarily be a spirit-to-spirit communication. Given the tripartite (ie. body-soul-spirit) nature of man, this will no doubt impact on our psychology, ie. our mind and our emotions. While some of these senses may well be self-generated, ie. purely psychological, we must learn to discern that which stems from ourselves and that which stems from God.
The key to this discernment is honesty and obedience. First we must be completely honest with ourselves and our intentions. Wrong intentions can cause us to think that God is affirming something we ourselves want to do. Honesty will enable us to discern the presence or absence of a deep and abiding sense of peace which will be absent if we are deceiving ourselves. Through constant suppressing of this "voice of conscience" we can grieve the Spirit into silence. But if we can embrace honesty and a willingness to obey, we will find the prompting and the communication becoming stronger and more sure over time.
How do I know Christianity is real?
How do I know Christianity is real? This is the favourite question of every honest Christian but the least favourite question of any Christian leader faced with the task of answering it.
My question in response to the question is this - how do you know anything is real? This is what philosophers call an ontological (ie. truth) question - ie. how do you determine truth. Everyday in my job, I have to listen to different people tell completely different versions of the same event and then make up my mind on who is telling the truth. The ascertainment of truth in the court of law relies on testimonial evidence and where available, physical evidence. This itself is fraught with its problems. How then do we determine truth?
May I suggest that to determine truth is a two-stage process.
(1) Stage One - Test the Source. All truth comes from a source, ie. the testimony of a witness, or the observation and interpretation of physical evidence. To determine the veracity of this truth, we must therefore first test the veracity of the source. The assumption is that if the source is valid, then the statement of truth that comes from that source must be valid. ie. if a witness is truthful and trustworthy, then what he says must be true.
In the ascertainment of truth about life and God, there are three primary sources: (1) Science, (2) Reason and (3) Revelation. The ascertainment of truth by way of science has long been lauded as the unshakeable source. One may say the evidence does not lie. While that is true, the interpretation of the evidence is something that is far from certain. To speak as if all of science speaks in unison is to deceive oneself. Scientists differ on the state of the universe, the origins of the universe, the immutability of scientific laws, and the causes of disease. While the physical universe is there for all to see, our inadequate human faculties and our limited experiential paradigms make our interpretation of from scientific data as to what is ultimate truth far from reliable. In short, we cannot extract truth from science without the operation of human reason. Yet because of the failings of human reason and our limited experiences, any attempt to extract truth from science is fraught with uncertainty. What is more, in the area of the metaphysical (or spiritual), in the issues of life beyond death, scientific data come to an almost embarrassing standstill. Science has simply no answers.
Where science fails because of the frailty of reason, divine revelation takes over. While science requires finite man to make conclusions about life and death and existence and God, revelation stems from the divine Himself. Immediately, the superiority of the primary source becomes clear. To put it another way, who would you trust to tell you about life after death - a monkey, an evolved form of a monkey (no offence) or the divine himself?
(2) Stage Two - Test the Messenger. Even if the source is valid, the transmission of that statement of truth to the end point may be corrupted by inadequacies in the communication process. For example, even if the speaker is saying something true, if there is so much noise that I cannot hear what he is saying, then the communication of that truth to me is lost.
Assuming that we accept the superiority of revelation over science, we now move to the second test. Here we move from testing the source to testing the transmission process stemming from that source. Every religion with exception of Christianity relies on the transmission of the divine message through a human conduit, ie. a prophet, a messenger or a holy man. To test the divergent truth statements made by all these human conduits, we must look at the quality of messenger himself. This is where Christianity distinguishes itself. In all the major world religions, no other messenger of the truth statement has claimed to be divine himself. All else has claimed to simply be a messenger for the divine. In Christianity, the transmission of the truth statement stems from the lips of the divine Himself, incarnated as man. In all other major world religions, the message is "Let me point you to the truth". In Christianity, the message is "I am the truth."
In conclusion, Christianity provides both the superior source and the superior transmission of the message from that source. If I had to chose to place my faith in a religion, the choice, as you can see, is not so difficult to make.
My question in response to the question is this - how do you know anything is real? This is what philosophers call an ontological (ie. truth) question - ie. how do you determine truth. Everyday in my job, I have to listen to different people tell completely different versions of the same event and then make up my mind on who is telling the truth. The ascertainment of truth in the court of law relies on testimonial evidence and where available, physical evidence. This itself is fraught with its problems. How then do we determine truth?
May I suggest that to determine truth is a two-stage process.
(1) Stage One - Test the Source. All truth comes from a source, ie. the testimony of a witness, or the observation and interpretation of physical evidence. To determine the veracity of this truth, we must therefore first test the veracity of the source. The assumption is that if the source is valid, then the statement of truth that comes from that source must be valid. ie. if a witness is truthful and trustworthy, then what he says must be true.
In the ascertainment of truth about life and God, there are three primary sources: (1) Science, (2) Reason and (3) Revelation. The ascertainment of truth by way of science has long been lauded as the unshakeable source. One may say the evidence does not lie. While that is true, the interpretation of the evidence is something that is far from certain. To speak as if all of science speaks in unison is to deceive oneself. Scientists differ on the state of the universe, the origins of the universe, the immutability of scientific laws, and the causes of disease. While the physical universe is there for all to see, our inadequate human faculties and our limited experiential paradigms make our interpretation of from scientific data as to what is ultimate truth far from reliable. In short, we cannot extract truth from science without the operation of human reason. Yet because of the failings of human reason and our limited experiences, any attempt to extract truth from science is fraught with uncertainty. What is more, in the area of the metaphysical (or spiritual), in the issues of life beyond death, scientific data come to an almost embarrassing standstill. Science has simply no answers.
Where science fails because of the frailty of reason, divine revelation takes over. While science requires finite man to make conclusions about life and death and existence and God, revelation stems from the divine Himself. Immediately, the superiority of the primary source becomes clear. To put it another way, who would you trust to tell you about life after death - a monkey, an evolved form of a monkey (no offence) or the divine himself?
(2) Stage Two - Test the Messenger. Even if the source is valid, the transmission of that statement of truth to the end point may be corrupted by inadequacies in the communication process. For example, even if the speaker is saying something true, if there is so much noise that I cannot hear what he is saying, then the communication of that truth to me is lost.
Assuming that we accept the superiority of revelation over science, we now move to the second test. Here we move from testing the source to testing the transmission process stemming from that source. Every religion with exception of Christianity relies on the transmission of the divine message through a human conduit, ie. a prophet, a messenger or a holy man. To test the divergent truth statements made by all these human conduits, we must look at the quality of messenger himself. This is where Christianity distinguishes itself. In all the major world religions, no other messenger of the truth statement has claimed to be divine himself. All else has claimed to simply be a messenger for the divine. In Christianity, the transmission of the truth statement stems from the lips of the divine Himself, incarnated as man. In all other major world religions, the message is "Let me point you to the truth". In Christianity, the message is "I am the truth."
In conclusion, Christianity provides both the superior source and the superior transmission of the message from that source. If I had to chose to place my faith in a religion, the choice, as you can see, is not so difficult to make.
What On Earth am I Here For?
It has been a month since my last post. The festivities of Chinese New Year are now over. I never did like Chinese New Year much, with its overly sweet tidbits and overly annoying relatives. Growing up, I used to hate being dragged around by my parents in the sweltering afternoon sun to see old people whom I really could not care less about just so that they could compensate me for my hardship with a few red notes. This year, for the first time, it was my turn to dragged my poor 8 month old daughter to see old people whom she really could not care less about. Except at that age, she could just scream into their faces when they displeased her. Ironic really, but such is the cycle of life.
Solomon once said, "what is new under the sun?" Everything that we do, our efforts, our strivings, our boastings, will soon pass away like sandcastles in the incoming tide. We too will soon pass away. And the next generation will come after us. Our children, our next generation of church leaders, our successors in our ministries and our jobs. What can we do that is really worthwhile? Some build corporations and mansions. Others crave political position and the esteem of man. We change cars, change handphones, change houses, change our looks, change our jobs...all in search of that illusive goal that says that we have 'arrived'.
Then we think of eternity. Imagine if you will a piece of string that is stretched in front of us, from east to west, across the horizon, a string that extends and extends round the earth until it meets at the opposite end. That string is eternity, relentless, unending. Then imagine a little 1 cm red splotch of paint on that string. That is the 70, 80, 90 years of our lives. And then we are told that the decisions and choices we make on that little splotch of red will matter for all eternity. Suddenly all our vain strivings and ambitions on this little splotch of red begin to look rather silly, all our anxieties and our quarrels begin to look rather petty.
You see God has put eternity into our hearts such that our hearts will never be at rest in the temporal, in this little red splotch of time we have made our home. We have been created for things far more divine, far more glorious than to live and eat and die on this moving rock. You see, each of us has a destiny that is tied up with God Himself, a purpose that stems from the very heart of the Creator. It is only when we align ourselves with the Divine Will, that we transcend this temporal cage and touch the face of eternty.
But the decision to either align ourselves with the Divine Will or walk our own path to futility and destruction is one each of us must make. It is the choice between surrender or autonomy, obedience or license, the Spirit or the flesh, faith or unbelief. "Father let not my will be done but yours." "Into Your hands I commit my spirit". These are the words of one who has aligned himself with destiny. For only he who dares to step out beyond our sight and live by faith, is he who will step into the hands of He who holds eternity.
Solomon once said, "what is new under the sun?" Everything that we do, our efforts, our strivings, our boastings, will soon pass away like sandcastles in the incoming tide. We too will soon pass away. And the next generation will come after us. Our children, our next generation of church leaders, our successors in our ministries and our jobs. What can we do that is really worthwhile? Some build corporations and mansions. Others crave political position and the esteem of man. We change cars, change handphones, change houses, change our looks, change our jobs...all in search of that illusive goal that says that we have 'arrived'.
Then we think of eternity. Imagine if you will a piece of string that is stretched in front of us, from east to west, across the horizon, a string that extends and extends round the earth until it meets at the opposite end. That string is eternity, relentless, unending. Then imagine a little 1 cm red splotch of paint on that string. That is the 70, 80, 90 years of our lives. And then we are told that the decisions and choices we make on that little splotch of red will matter for all eternity. Suddenly all our vain strivings and ambitions on this little splotch of red begin to look rather silly, all our anxieties and our quarrels begin to look rather petty.
You see God has put eternity into our hearts such that our hearts will never be at rest in the temporal, in this little red splotch of time we have made our home. We have been created for things far more divine, far more glorious than to live and eat and die on this moving rock. You see, each of us has a destiny that is tied up with God Himself, a purpose that stems from the very heart of the Creator. It is only when we align ourselves with the Divine Will, that we transcend this temporal cage and touch the face of eternty.
But the decision to either align ourselves with the Divine Will or walk our own path to futility and destruction is one each of us must make. It is the choice between surrender or autonomy, obedience or license, the Spirit or the flesh, faith or unbelief. "Father let not my will be done but yours." "Into Your hands I commit my spirit". These are the words of one who has aligned himself with destiny. For only he who dares to step out beyond our sight and live by faith, is he who will step into the hands of He who holds eternity.
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