Our lives are such contradictions. All of us who have tried so hard to make sense of it, to make sense of who we are, will find that we are often a mess of contradictions. Paul's ministry was a sea of contradictions too. In 2 Cor 6:8-10, he says about his ministry, "...by honor and dishonor, by evil report and good report; as deceivers, and yet true; as unknown, and yet well known; as dying, and behold we live; as chastened, and yet not killed; as sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; as poor, yet making many rich; as having nothing, and yet possessing all things." If he tried to define himself by the external markers of his ministry, he would have found it almost impossible.
But we all still try. We try to fit our lives into nice little controllable moulds. We seek stability, security, predictability. In our lives and ministry, we try to reach a state of comfort, and put into plan theories that assure success. But we kid ourselves if we think we can find predictability in our lives sufficient to define ourselves by it.
And Paul knew that. Which is why is verse 2 of 2 Cor 6, he quotes Isaiah 49:8, "In an acceptable time I have heard you, And in the day of salvation I have helped you". Isaiah 49 speaks of the ministry of Christ, a ministry to which He had been "called from the womb."(vs1) To Paul, his ministry too was divinely appointed, and this was the "acceptable time" of the Lord. "Behold, now is the accepted time; behold, now is the day of salvation." (2 Cor 6:2b)
As I began to meditate upon this, the Spirit began to reaffirm to me that despite the contradictions in my life, the sense of divine calling and appointment on my life remained constant and unchanged. I was here at this point of my life because this was the "acceptable time" of God. Despite the external and experiential contradictions and uncertainties, His appointment for my life was certain. I was His, called from the womb to His divine purpose. Certainty was only found in Him. Praise be to God.