The search for our identity is a perpetual quest that never seems to end. Every now and then, when we feel as if we have found who we are, something comes along and shakes us. Once again we are left floundering in the sea of questions. Perhaps God allows us to go through this from time to time to test what is in our hearts, what we base our sense of self-worth and identity on.
Some of you who know me may know that I have just moved jobs. God opened the door. Better pay, and hopefully better prospects. But what I under-estimated was the effect that moving jobs had on my sense of identity. Who was I? One day I was doing my old job and the next, a new job. Excited as I was about starting my new job, I could not ignore the fact that things had changed. I was still the same. But everything around me had changed.
It is in such times of displacement that I become more prayerful and reflective. As I began to ponder the reason for my current sense of emotional displacement, it became clear that as much as I had always tried to avoid it, I did derive some definition of my identity from what i did, from the roles I played. And over the past month, the roles I have played in both my church ministry and my secular career have changed drastically. With my daughter turning one year old, my role as father has also changed. New challenges, new expectations, new positions, new responsibilities, new roles. With so many changes within a short period of time, it was not surprising that I struggled to re-refine myself.
But perhaps what this sense of displacement and struggle for re-definition has revealed to me is the transience and impermanence of a role-defined sense of identity. It is surely this role-defined sense of identity that drive many successful men into despair after they retire or are retrenched. It is this same role-defined sense of identity that causes us to have to seek new definitions of our identity each time the winds of change blow through our lives.
Then I remember the words of Jeremiah 1:4,5:
"Then the word of the LORD came to me, saying:
'Before I formed you in the womb I knew you;
Before you were born I sanctified you;
I ordained you a prophet to the nations.'"
These verses tell me a few precious things. Firstly, that it is God who has formed us. We find our source in His loving hands. Secondly, it is God who has set us apart, who makes us special. For to be "sanctified" is to be set apart for Him. For Jeremiah, it was to be a prophet. For us, it is a high calling that envelopes every disparate aspect of our lives, and consumes our very being. But most importantly, it is a call to exist unto Him. We live for His glory, His purpose. Our worship of Him is the coalescence of all our different roles in life, for they all exist to fulfill the one higher purpose - to live unto Him. He has called us out of His world to embrace His heart. He has called us to Himself.
Thirdly, this sanctified calling is permanent and does not change. Though our roles in life may change, our sanctified calling to live unto Him is eternal. We have been sanctified from before the womb and our purpose and identity remains intrinsically linked to Him for all of eternity. Such a thought brings to me a powerful sense of peace and security. That He lives in me, and I live in Him and for him. Praise be to God.