It has been on my mind lately as to how we know that someone is right for us, that this person is the one God intends that we spend the rest of our lives with. Dealing with divorce cases yesterday again triggered further thoughts on the issue. Couples who must have at one time been so happy together now were arguing about how to separate their property. Could this have been avoided? Did they chose the wrong person? Is someone to blame?
Looking at the whole concept of dating and marriage, I began to see that there several issues that needed to be thought through and settled to set the foundation for an enriching and blessed relationship. Here several checks ensue:
(1) Is there a sense of rightness and peace about my decision to commit myself to this person? It is here that the inner witness of the Spirit becomes key. (Those of you know now me by now know that I am quite hot about this inner prompting subjective experience thing.) This I have found to be a practical way to gauge if we are within the will of God.
(2) Is there a mutual commitment on the part of both:
(i) to communicate, ie. open up and share oneself and be vulnerable to the other;
(ii) to love, ie. to place the other person above ourselves; and
(iii) to work out problems, ie. to talk about and work through inevitable problems that will come your way?
The commitment to communicate, to love and to work through problems seems so basic but is sadly missing in many relationships. Relationships dont just break down over night. How our relationship will be in 10 years is a cummulation of the daily choices we make. Everyday we can choose to communicate or to close up. We can choose to put our partner's interest over our own or we can choose to act selfishly. We can choose to work through problems or become defensive and fight for our rights. The choices we make daily will determine whether we grow to love our partner more and more or end up in court disputing over custody and property.